If you were a fly on the wall at my house, you'd be sure to hear your share of fussing, complaining and whining. Maybe even a slammed door or two.

But enough about me.

In the pressure cooker that's parenting, I have exploded more than once. And it's harder to clean up than spaghetti night with a toddler.

So after years spent indulging in fruitless self-flogging, I finally let go of my obsession with getting it all 'just right.' I confess...I'm not a perfect parent.

Whew. That felt good.

Now, when my son saunters in with his 42nd tardy of the school year, I let it go. When I hear myself hollering "Whatever!" at my teenage daughter, I move on.

Having it all together is overrated anyway.

And I've determined not to waste God's grace. I'll never get it just right. You won't, either. So read on, sister. If you see a little of yourself in me, I hope it helps to know that you're not alone. Nope. If you're a mom, face it. You're never, ever alone.

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Monday, February 14, 2011

Five Ways To Love Yourself

Are you tantruming more than your two-year-old?

More annoyed than your adolescent?

Pouting more than your preschooler?

Well, then, my miserable mama, your love bank is running a serious deficit.

Our children and spouses make deposits in our accounts. However, we have to be intentional about making some regular investments in our own well-being. It's only when our love bank is healthy that we can spread the wealth to others.

So, on this Valentine's Day, I'd like to share five ways that might help keep your love account out of the red:

1. Feed your soul. Last night, my husband complained that our household has had a "serious survival vibe" lately. Amen, brother. With back-to-back rounds of the flu attacking multiple family members, two birthdays, and spring sports starting, I felt mere "survival" had been a major victory.

Until I surveyed the battle aftermath this morning. Not only is my house trashed, but so am I.

And I know it's because I've been running on fumes instead of making the time to spend time with God daily and draw my strength from Him. I need that daily to gain perspective, grace and to order my priorities. He always gives me peace amidst the craziness -- if I let Him.

2. Build up your body. When mama's sick and tired, the whole house implodes. It is NOT selfish or indulgent to make the time to exercise, eat right and get proper rest.

3. Give yourself some grace. Life is busy. And certain seasons of parenting can feel like a tsunami. Don't lower your standards where they count. But do lower your expectations. You are not supermom. It's okay. None of us are.

4. Giggle with a girlfriend -- daily. The last few years of parenting have been particularly stressful for me (raising a teenager -- hello??). I am so thankful that God has given me a friend who is wise, funny and non-judgmental. She has helped keep me sane -- and laughing at the insanity of my life.

5. Splurge a little now and then. A few weeks ago, I got a French manicure with a gift card given to me by aforementioned friend. It was worth every penny she spent. I felt like a new woman. (Sorry, hubby, but I think this is going to become a habit.)

Your whole family will reap the dividends of your regular "extreme self-care." Not only will it improve your outlook and attitude, but you will be setting a good example for your children. (Because we all know our kids never do enough for themselves... :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

So there is a special rest still waiting for the people of God. For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world. So let us do our best to enter that rest. Hebrews 4:9-11a
Melinda

15 comments:

  1. Happy Valentine's Day! I will make sure to keep myself on the up, and up. Thanks for the good advice. (as always)


    :)

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  2. Thank you for sharing this! I loved all the advice and needed to hear it!
    Happy Valentine's Day! Take Care!

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  3. Great post--it's great to remember to love yourself! I hardly ever do that--I'm constantly being hard or negative towards myself....thanks for the reminder that God loves me and that I can love myself too:) Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

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  4. I like to take a bath too. An escape and I come out clean.... bonus! :O)

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  5. I wish I had that advise when I was raising kids..but now that they are gone, it's all about me baby! HA!!

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  6. Great post! I really needed this. I love the term "survival mode" - it happens to us all the time.
    I plan on taking some of your advice.

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  7. Such great words of advice!

    And SO true!

    It took my divorce to learn that I was the only one who could take care of me and who Should take care of me.

    Thanks for sharing that with other mothers/women.

    Like my blog asks, "Who is going to call a time-out?" I might add, if we don't?

    Thank You!

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  8. tantruming, annoyed, and pouting? oh--ahem--maybe...

    thank you for these great tips!!! my hubs and i have been talking lately about me getting some more "me" time and we're really trying to make an effort. i'm now pregnant with baby #2 (and have a 1-year-old) so it's a good time to set some solid foundations in self-care while my motherhood gig is still fairly new! (and before i implode like you are describing!)

    must. make. it happen! thanks for your great tips!

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  9. These are wonderful tips especially the one about grace for ourselves. Be gentle with myself is one thing I have to constantly remind myself... Thanks Melinda. perfect Valentines Day post

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  10. Such a good reminder!

    When I feel run-down, I let every little thing get to me.

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  11. You know what they say -- "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

    We do have to take care of ourselves, and we too often neglect that.

    Happy Valentine's Day, Melinda!

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  12. My house is trashed, but its because I insist on adequate rest. I guess that's just the way it works until the weekend.

    Hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day. Also, I switched over from email subscription to RSS. I finally figured out my google reader!

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  13. These are very good reminders! I like the survival and giggle both
    kim

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  14. I loved this post. It was a little smile and encouragement. :)
    I loved when you said "certain seasons of parenting feel like tsunamis".
    Certainly, I feel like that right now. Parenting teenagers stretches me way more than when they were toddlers or babies.
    I can always tell when I haven't spent enough time with the Lord, it shows in every area of my life. I loved every one of your points but none more than feeding my soul. That is the thing I really need to reinforce more than anything.

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  15. All so true, Melinda! Laughing has been key for me lately, having come through a winter with almost no sun light. I can't believe how much a good laugh helps! Thanks for sharing these ideas!

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Now it's your turn to "Come Clean"! Tell me what you think! I love to hear from you!

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