Cracking the Chore Code

I don't need any Christmas presents this year.

Santa came to visit early this year and he already gave me just what I needed and more than I could ask for: A chore system for my children that actually works.

Come to think of it, this is a more of a miracle than a gift, so my gratitude definitely belongs with the good Lord and not Saint Nick.

Over the summer, I blogged about a new system I was trying with my kids. For the record, that was the 213,475th system I've tried over the past 10 years. I may not be smart, but at least I'm persistent.

Well, that system, like all the others, did work -- for a while. That's always the problem. I couldn't find a system with staying power. And that I could be consistent in implementing.

Until now.

About a month ago, I had an epiphany, ignited by a book I read recently called Have A New Kid by Friday by Dr. James Lehman. (Don't let the title fool you -- the book is much more about changing parental behavior than changing your kids. I learned a ton.)

Anyway, Dr. Lehman suggests this brilliant strategy:

1.) Assign your kids chores on specific days.

2.) Don't nag or remind. (This about killed me.)

3.) If the chore isn't done on the assigned day, offer one of the siblings the opportunity to do the chore and earn a portion of their brother's or sister's allowance.

Finally, an upside to sibling rivalry!

This has been a keen motivator in my house. I've never seen my son so eager to wash towels.

I've added my own spin to this -- because sometimes even earning their sibling's allowance isn't enough motivation to get off the couch.

And then guess who ends up doing the chores? Yep, you guessed it. M-O-M.

To avoid that and to teach my kids responsibility, they simply don't get privileges until the chores are done. Isn't that how real life works?

For example, last night, my daughter wanted me to take her to the mall to spend some of her birthday money. But she hadn't cleaned the bathroom yet (her Monday chore). And Micah apparently decided it wasn't a "manly" job. So, we simply didn't go to the mall until the bathroom was clean.

You know why this works? It's easy to implement. There are no stickers or magnets to keep track of. And the choice is left up to them. If they don't want to do the chores, they don't have to. But choices have consequences. So if they choose not to help around the house, they won't have any money and they won't be going anywhere. I'm not the nagging motivator anymore. The consequences are the motivator.

It sounds so dang simple and obvious as I write it that I don't know why I didn't do this years ago.

Yes, this is making my stress level go down and is making my job easier around the house. But I'm most excited about the responsibility, life lessons and sense of accomplishment I believe this new approach is already giving my children.

Someday their college roommates and spouses will thank me.