“You are beautiful.”You could have heard a pin drop.
Every eye was riveted on the 20-something, handsome young man speaking at the podium.
He continued, “Let me say it again, ‘You are beautiful.’ And I want to be clear. If any boy does not respect you and your boundaries, they aren’t good enough for you. Period.”
It sounds like something a mother might say – should say. But coming from this young man, it had an especially entrancing -- and hopefully lasting -- effect on the middle school girls in the audience.
As part of the spring Mother/Daughter Bible Study at our church, I had asked our area’s Young Life Director to come and speak to the girls and moms about modesty.
He was blunt. He was direct. And he was tender. It was a devastating combination. “When you dress a certain way, you’re inviting a boy to see you as an object. He’s not interested in your personality, your character, all the things that make you, you,” he said. “And you are more than a body. You are beautiful – in ways that have nothing to do with how you look.”
Unfortunately, this is not the message our girls are getting today. Everywhere you look, girls and women are “objectifying” themselves. As a mom to a middle school girl, it can be downright depressing. No, maddening. It makes me mad. At the culture. And at my inability to completely protect her from its influence.
But mostly it makes me sad. Sad that so many girls don’t recognize their incredible value as creations of God. Because when we don’t recognize our value, we make foolish choices. We compromise. We settle. We borrow a lot of pain and trouble.
Recently, my daughter asked me what made her special. Specifically, she asked, “God thinks everyone’s special. How does that make me unique?”
What I told her was this: “You’re right. God does love everyone and think each of His creation is special. But there is only one Molly. He has a plan and a purpose for you that is like no one else’s in the world. I don’t want you to miss out on all that He wants to do with your life because you don’t recognize your incredible value.”
That is where true Girl Power comes from – their Creator and the many gifts, plans and unique qualities he entrusted to them alone.
I started this post, thinking that it was going to be about Miley Cyrus and her latest racy music video – a definite turn into “object” territory, which I saw coming for a while.
But rather than focusing on the culture, which we can’t control, I’m encouraging you to focus on what you can control: the messages – and appropriate boundaries – you give to your daughters. Find mentors and experiences that reinforce them. Start early and stand firm. I’m right there with you on the front line. They will fight you. Bet on it.
But true Girl Power is too valuable to waste.
It is so hard to raise girls in this world today. My girls are 27 and 32, and I thought it was tough back then. Our fights as parents in the small community where we live were about drinking and drug use, mostly. I never had to forbid any type of clothing. Come to think of it, both my girls do have tattoos, but one girl's concern cats and running marathons, and the other's concern horses. Whew. This was a very thought provoking post. molly
ReplyDeleteAs the mom of two boys, I can say that I am often relieved that I don't have a daughter. Not because I wouldn't love a daughter, but oh the struggles. This message is good for boys too, and I've had many talks with my son about respect and boundaries, even if the girls are not setting any boundaries. I feel for any teens today, because the peer pressure these days is so out of control, and our culture is so focused on sexuality at a very young age, much more than when I was growing up. I have high hopes for this generation of teens, but I also have so many worries for them.
ReplyDeleteThis was a big subject in our Missionettes program growing up in church. We had great role models who talked about modesty on a weekly basis and then they lived it just like they wanted us to. I think that's what made the difference for us. They didn't come to church in short, low-cut dresses and then try to impress on us the importance of covering up.
ReplyDeleteI think the really sad part is that most boys aren't being taught to appreciate the value of a girl who conducts herself as a lady, and girls don't know how to appreciate a gentleman. If the kids who do try got better results I think they'd be more likely to keep up their standards.
I agree, Victoria and Sheri ... the boys need to hear the message to value girls -- even if they don't value themselves. It's such a tough sell in this sexually charged society where girls are throwing themselves at guys who are at an age when hormones are raging. All we can do is keep giving them the message and pray that they will see that that message is true. More than once my teenage daughter has seen my warnings/predictions about certain things come true in her friends' lives. That's been powerful.
ReplyDeleteI am already seeing Annie's BIG CONFIDENCE fading & she is only 5. It breaks my heart! She already wants to know if she is pretty. I always tell her that too, that God made her & he doesn't makes mistakes. He made her perfect :) She likes hearing that & believes it!
ReplyDeleteWhat a good idea to have a guy deliver this message that us moms try to pound into their heads :) Hopefully it will have a lsting efect!
When I'm shopping for my little boys, I notice the little girls' clothes and man, it starts early with the short and revealing stuff.
ReplyDeleteI hope that those words will stick with those young girls and make a difference for them.
Melinda, he was right on! I remember my kids always responded better to others teaching that idea than me. Yes, our culture has gone wacko.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing such a wonderful job with Molly and with those middle-school girls at your church.
ReplyDeleteI going to have Allie read this post the next time she's here.
Miss you...hope to talk soon!
Sweet dreams.
Great post! It rings so true. I wish I could have been there for the speaker. I will share your blog with my 10 year old. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteWonderful post. We have a 2yr old, so we're not quite at this stage yet, but my hubby and I have already discussed how we want to raise our daughters (I'm preg w/#2) to know that they are special and WORTH WAITING FOR. I never really felt that way as a child, and I paid for it. Thanks for such a great post.
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