I had barely walked in the door when she lowered the boom.“I just unfriended you on Facebook!”
Yep, my daughter had just unceremoniously given me the ultimate cyber-diss.
It was rather unexpected.
After somehow getting over the hurdle that Facebook was for “old people” and MySpace was for “cool people,” Molly had recently joined Facebook and “friended” me.
Over the past couple of weeks, we had occasionally exchanged witty banter and even “chatted” a few times via the IM feature. I felt like perhaps I had entered the realm of coolness. Gasp! Can parents do that?
Apparently not.
I think it all went horribly awry when I asked her about an unfamiliar boy that I saw her chatting with on Facebook.
Molly: “Why do you need to know everything??!! He’s not a stalker, okay, Mom? He’s just a boy!”
Me: “I’m your mother. I must know everything. It is my job.” (That and making her life miserable. They occupy an equal level of importance.)
After obtaining some more information, I determined that, as far as I could tell, there was no need for concern.
But my fate was sealed.
The next day I got my marching orders.
Although I can still view her Facebook page (I have her password), I am on the outside looking in. Sigh.
And I think, to a certain extent, I will be for quite some time. Until they’re adults, I can’t really be my kids’ pal. Sure, I strive to have friend characteristics: being approachable, fun, loving and trustworthy. But I’ll always be “Mom” first.
And being a good mom can sometimes be downright un-Friendly.
OOps I usually reserve my comments to the pics he displays.
ReplyDeleteHi Dee!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by!
I didn't actually comment on Facebook about the boy ... only asked her about it later (verbally).
She actually initiated most of the contact. Oh well. ;0)
teenagers! Ahhh! I'm scared.
ReplyDeleteOk...so I might not be popular with this idea but I believe that we are supposed to be mom first and well maybe only. I do not believe that being my child's friend is my ultimate goal (although she is my 'friend' on facebook). She has friends. What she needs is a mom. A mom who watches out for her, guards her the best we can and is there for her but in a parent sort of way. Just like you do by having your daughter's password. They may not like it but on some level I believe they are glad their moms are acting like a mom. :) (p.s. I received the starbucks gift card. many thanks!!!)
ReplyDeleteI agree totally, Hope. I was thinking Facebook might have been a way to keep lines of communication open, but, for now, it doesn't seem like that's going to happen.
ReplyDeleteLately, I've been telling her that I'm going to do what's best for her and if she's mad, I'm a big girl and I can take it. My job is to be her mom, not to always make her happy.
Whew! And the teen years are just beginning! ;0)
Glad you got the Starbucks card! Hope you enjoy!! ;0)
This tech world we live in is definately more of a challenge for raising teens than when I was a teen! I don't know what I'm going to do when mine get older - it seems like it must be a lot more work to monitor the texting and web stuff that the kids are doing - this I do not look forward too!! But you are right - you are mom first and someday she'll thank you for it!
ReplyDeleteMy mother was extremely strict and now I see how much she was protecting me and I am SO thankful!!!
The boys have FB accounts too but they prefer MySpace. I have secret spies on MySpace that they are friends with (other adults)! I agree with you...we're parents first, friends later (most likely when they are adults!)
ReplyDeleteYou ARE a cool mom. My mom wouldn't have allowed me to join either site as a teen. lol. Following you from MBC's Christian Mom group.
ReplyDeleteI'm not looking forward to when the Princess Nagger hits the teen years...I don't know how well I'd handle being 'un-friended'... ;)
ReplyDeleteHappy VGNO! :)
I am not looking forward to the teenage years, and they are fast approaching! Can't I just go to sleep and wake up when they like me again!?
ReplyDeleteNice to meet you. What a lovely blog. If you don't mind, I think I'll follow you.
ReplyDeleteI admit, I got to reading your sidebar comments in "About Me", I almost forgot to read your post. I liked the post, too. They always think we're going overboard, don't they. I promise you though, they want us to "care", even if we annoy them, if we weren't, they would worry. I worked as a cop for years and that's one thing I came to understand about a lot of those kids. They liked the "freedom" their "not nice" parents gave them but overall needed that interaction. They'd get in trouble to get their parents' attention.
My son laughs about how I keep up with his FB, my space, and all that other stuff, but I discovered something after we discussed me doing that: When he had things going on that he didn't want to talk about, he would leave it pulled up on the screen, then later, when he had some alone time, I would approach him and we would talk about it.
Happy VGNO
Awww! That sucks! Happy VGNO :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, the thing is...we are not supposed to be their friends. We are supposed to be their parents. You did good. Now just so long as she doesn't Ignore you on FB and in real life you have won 1/2 the battle.
ReplyDeleteHappy VGNO
Love Gladys
ah, that would hurt.
ReplyDeleteI'm a 'friend' with my children on FB and I have even had good conversations with them there; but I do worry about crossing the line. Of course they never worry about that with me. ha.
I'm a 'friend' also to some of their friends and I am super careful about making any real contact with them!
You did the right thing...if she was okay with you being your friend at first, I think she will probably add you back. KIds DO need to be reminded that we are the parents and have to do our jobs. I find myself saying that line A LOT.
I am much older than you and am acting like I am so much wiser. haha. I am certainly not; every kid is so different you can never think you know it all.
I came via SITS and this is the longest 1st comment I've ever made! Could be the longest comment I've made anywhere!
My son just turned 13 this week, but I haven't allowed him to join FB. He has gotten as far as YouTube that's it.
ReplyDeleteWell, I think it is almost impossible to be a cool mom... I have given up too *sigh*
ReplyDeleteHappy Saturday Sharefest! Please come visit...
Amen!! I hear you. I am mommy first and "friend" after. I have not yet been unfriended by my daughter, but my step-son has let me know when I am "unfriended" He just trying to get use to my type of parenting is all...
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by. Have a great weekend.
Lori @whenwelisten & Here All Along
Hey, what is VGNO??? Am I out of a loop here?? Great post! and I totally agree with you... I guess you can't afford to be their "pal" (what a trap that is) while you're parenting them through the white-water rafting years, but I like how you said you can have the characteristics of one. That's a great way to put it. xx
ReplyDeleteTeenagers...is this what I have to look forward to? I think I'm happy now watching Baby Einstein and changing a few diapers!
ReplyDeleteIt's tough being a mom.
ReplyDeleteMy little man is still very young, but I'm sure the junior high/teenage years are quite an adventure.
(And I think it's really smart that you check out what your daughter is doing online - keep that password.)
Hey Again Melinda... I tagged you in one of those 8x8 thingys. Sorry! Do it if you're scraping for post ideas, I guess! x
ReplyDeleteI think you are a wise woman to be mom first and pal second. So many parents are so desperate to be cool that they let their kids do horrible things.
ReplyDeleteI am friends with mine of FB. It's an experience.
Lol! Those teenagers are moody ones, aren't they? I never know whether I'm in the good or not with my daughter.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping by on my SITS day! That was great:)
hi melinda,
ReplyDeleteo what memories! lol.. i got my facebook when my daughter got hers just so i could "see" who/what she was chatting with... over the years she friended me and unfriended me, i know it hurts, but just be patient, in the long run she will realize it is because you care about her! keep smiling!
shelley
http://iamstillstandingafterallthistime.blogspot.com
http://theplaygroundprincess.blogspot.com
oh :( trust me there is hope. my mom is on my facebook account and she's my best friend YEAH! but up it took how many years before that came about??? i think you were being a good mommy looking out for her safety.
ReplyDeleteOh man, I am not looking forward to my daughter starting to use the Internet. She's only two and she's already cranky.
ReplyDeleteHappy SITs Saturday Sharefest!!
Nope. No mom, No account.
ReplyDeleteBut I did show him how to hide me so my posts don't show up on his wall and I promised not to comment on his wall or talk to his friends.
Sounds like you and I have the same arrangements, just configured differently ;o)
I think it makes them feel good to have some sort of autonomy...even if it's a fakey autonomy- hahaha!